I just got out of class and I have to say that I will be pleased when it is over! I think I was spoiled in my Sociology classes with Neitz! Anyhow, I am amazed at how unaware many of the people in the class are of their status in the race and class hierarchy. So many of the comments today revolved around the assumption that everyone has the chance to go to college and everyone is expected to follow the "middle class" path. It made me think about the term "white supremacy." Too often we equate white supremacy with the archetypal Klansmen
(more info on the Klan)Is it not white supremacy to project your positions of race and class (if you are a white person, of course...the term would change across racial boundaries) onto another?
On a completely different topic...
I can finally share with you, audience of the delicious I'm blogging! Like Gangbusters!, the craziest ass drama that I have EVER experienced. I was in a relationship with an older woman of means for three years. The relationship was a nightmare (I will spare you the esoteric details). I left the house and we had arrangements for me to get my belongings out of the house...but she would never follow through. I tried for about a month and one day the sheriff came to my door. They gave me a paper saying that my ex had filed a no-communication order (called an ex-parte). I got to read the claims that she made against me in the order and it was fucking crazy (my friends were amazed). These things are typically for women who are in physical danger. She claimed that I had a history of property destruction...not at all true...and that she was physically afraid of me. Nevermind the fact that she is twice my size (I weigh 110 lbs!) and I told her not to contact me unless it was pertaining to my belongings. I had to go to court. When I was there I discovered that she had an attorney and AN ADVOCATE FROM THE WOMEN'S SHELTER! I had three friends with me, two that witnessed her violent outbursts and generally crazy behavior during the relationship. To move the narrative ahead, the judge called it a "bunch of yapping" and he set a date for me to get my belongings (only the agreed upon ones. My dog, furniture, and turntables were excluded). We were ordered to return to court after that day.
Fast forward to one week before the final court date. My friend, Patrick, and I are at the Gay Pride Dance (Atomic Dance Party to be exact; which was hilarious) at the Blue Note. My ex was there. I ignored her and had an AWESOME evening (I danced like a fucking party robot). Later, Patrick and I were standing in the lobby chatting and my ex came up behind me, GRABBED MY ASS, and said hello. IN FRONT OF PEOPLE! Patrick and I looked at one another and just pretended it didn't happen.
I called my attorney the following week and told her about it. We took Patrick to court to testify. When we got there, we were called up to the bench and the judge told us to work it out. The attorneys discussed and basically convinced her to dismiss because she was going to look bad. Why would you grab somebody that you were afraid of's ass?
...but, I don't think that this whole thing was about winning; although, it was nice to have my name cleared. Nobody won. I still have to sue her in court to get my dog back, the women's shelter was abused, and it is sad to me that my ex would do something like this to herself.
In between court dates, I did copious reading about false abuse allegations. I found that people use ex-parte orders in divorce cases to gain leverage for property and child custody disputes. So, basically, she abused court resources and spent stupid money to try to keep my belongings from me. Also, what I find most disturbing is that most of the resources with information about false allegations blame feminism for the way that the system works; that women are to blame for some "biased legal system." I will be the first to dispute this. The services provided to abused women are much need and underfunded. If there is any bias in the legal system, it is a male one (see the logic of
Catherine MacKinnon). Domestic abuse laws are not perfect, after all, they are relatively new. In my experience, the outcome taught me that the system does work in most cases. At first is was a bit challenging to deal with somebody making attacks on my character; I am a feminist so obviously any form of abuse makes my stomach turn. The second time I went to court, I saw a case that really bothered me (I will spare the details out of respect for the victim). In that instance the network of social and legal services really worked together to help somebody who was in serious danger because of an ex-lover. Yes, there are false allegations of abuse, but in my instance, they were filterered through the system. Call me shamelessly idealistic, but I do have faith in the justice system. If there are 100 false allegations and one that is true, it is worth it to keep that one person from harm.
